Tag: realisation

6/1/2018

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Tonight, I came home from being out the entire day, went straight to my mum, and asked her, “why is it that I can be so close to doing something, I get so excited that I’m about to do it, but it never ends up happening?” I was so down. So disappointed with so many things at the time. So I went to my room, picked up a book and started reading, in hope that it would make me feel a little better.

10 minutes later, my mum rushed into my room, as if she had just remembered something and HAD to tell me before she forgot it, and said…”maybe it’s not happening just yet, and with the people who you want it to be happening with, because there is better waiting for you.”

We both looked at each other for a few seconds just smiling.

Maybe that’s true?

True or not, I needed that. My mums not one to give all that spiritual, out of the box advice, she’s normally a ‘get on with it and do what you gotta do’ kind of person, so this was quite powerful. Like a slap in the face, wake the flip up moment.

I have been wanting to do certain things for so long now, and have had multiple opportunities to do them, but something always gets in the way. Either my intuition tells me it’s not right, or someone let’s me down. But, like everyone in this world, my life lessons are always learnt through the most uncomfortable moments of my life. The moments when I am the most lost and confused.

The universe is forever teaching me patience and how to trust that when things are right for me, when the timing is also right, those things will become easier to reach. Easier to understand. Easier to accomplish. I lost sight of that. My mum, through those few words, opened my eyes again.

Things happen when they are supposed to happen. It might even take YEARS for what you want, to become available to you. Sometimes things might not happen the way that you thought it would, because you are supposed to be doing something other than what you expected. Sometimes you don’t end up being with the people you imagined, because you deserve better. Sometimes, you don’t get that job you wanted because, again, you deserve better. Whatever it is, what ever the obstacles are that may be blocking you from reaching your dreams and plans, let them be there. They are there for a purpose that you will only understand once they are no longer there.

It’s so important that we stay positive and never doubt ourselves in these moments of confusion. You can listen to all the advice that you are given, but only you, your higher self and your inner wisdom, knows the true answer. Even if the answer is simply, to wait.

Quiet your mind

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When I feel that my mind is too full, too noisy, when my thoughts are all over the place. The one thing that brings me back down to Earth is to be around nature. I’m not sure what happens that allows me to become grounded again, but it feels amazing. Sometimes I feel numb. Numb in the sense that I don’t remember all those horrible feelings that I had before. I hardly remember what made me feel the way I did in the first place.

So I sit, and I don’t think of anything but the trees and the sky and the entire universe. And how I am just one tiny person, with tiny problems, living in a HUGE world full of millions of people and animals, who also need all the help and love they can get.

I realise that we are all just trying to survive in the best and easiest way possible. I feel my soul talking. It tells me that nothing really matters as much as our minds trick us into believing it does. Nothing is as important or as scary as we make out it is. My soul tells me that time does not matter, that patience is EVERYTHING. That things can’t always come to us when we want it to and that things don’t always happen the way we planned it to.

And that’s it, that’s all it is. Acceptance. Living without expectation. Trust.

x

Love only

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You may think you know what it is that you want in life. But when it’s all said and done and you’re about to take your last breath, the only thing that will truly matter is love. And always will be love ❤️

Yet ego and pride are here to try and test you, to try and break you from your connection to love. They somehow convince you that it’s not important, that cars, money, looks, everything else matters more. It doesn’t. Those things don’t stay with you when you leave this earth. But your soul will always remember love. The love that you gave and the love that you received.

Never give up on it. Fight for it. Find love in everything that you do, everyone that you meet and everywhere that you go. Find love by seeing that we are all one. By opening your heart.

It can be so tiring when you put love into the wrong things and try to find it with the wrong people, but keep going because there are lessons that need to be learnt. And when you do finally learn…love will find YOU! You won’t have to search anymore.

Goodnight everyone x

Moment of realisation

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I know it’s late but I feel like I have to give this to you tonight. I feel so open, I feel so emotional and honestly, I can’t control my tears. But they are not sad tears. They are tears coming from the realisation that everything is just the way it’s supposed to be. I feel pure happiness and love right this second. I know this feeling is super real because it always hits me after a long period of sadness and confusion. I feel content within myself. I feel content for all of you. I want to cry because I know we are all going to be alright. It’s probably the full moon, she’s shedding a little light, a little hope into most of our lives this evening. Even if it’s something as small as a thought.

I am so determined to write today, I haven’t been in ages because I’ve honestly felt so lost. I’ve felt as if I had no right to write something inspirational, full of self realisation and faith, when I’ve actually been feeling the complete opposite. I doubted myself. I read through my previous posts and thought ‘who am I to give this advice to people, when I cannot take it myself. Who am I to spread so much light and positivity, when I’m so consumed in my sadness.‘ So I stopped myself from writing so many times. Seriously, you should see how many drafts I have, unfinished, just words with no truth. I stopped trying to persuade myself that I’m okay and that we all have nothing to worry about, I kind of gave up.

I’ve been a wreck for almost the whole of november, up until a few hours ago. Everything felt so heavy on my mind, the negative thoughts, the anxiety I got from thinking that I may not be doing the right thing, that there is so much more to my life than this, how on earth am I able to move on from this feeling, what is my next step? All those thoughts were weighing me down, I struggled so much to release them. I forced myself to do yoga, but that did not help. In fact, I actually felt worse because I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t do any of my balances and even cried after the session because I felt so hopeless. I tried reading, which normally calms my mind, but that didn’t help either. I couldn’t even force myself to go to the gym, because my body was completely drained. I put on a film, but was too restless and tired that I turned it off half way through (SO unlike me). But it turns out that I done all of those things because I thought they were what I needed at the time, not because I really wanted to do them. I wasn’t listening to my body, to my soul. Looking back now, all they were telling me to do was… nothing. Do nothing, rest and be still. But no, I fought with them, for ages.

Today, early afternoon, I had this urge to go for a walk, somewhere surrounded by trees and grass, pure nature. I had the urge to breathe in the cold air and watch the birds fly. I get this feeling quite a lot, but often ignore it because, lets face it, it’s freezing cold and when the urge hits you at 11.30 in the evening, it’s a bit weird to go off on your own in the middle of a forest just for a walk. And also impossible to find someone who will do it with you. But I couldn’t ignore it today. I met up with my cousin, we took a walk, we stood at the highest point of a hill and started to exchange feelings. I remember saying that I surrender to the universe. I remember having this sudden thought that maybe, just maybe, I am going through all of this because it is preparing me for what I have asked for. Love. PURE love. That is what I want. Maybe, all of my struggles and pain, family situations, doubt, maybe all of it is happening so that when it comes down to it, I will know how to acknowledge love, I will know when it’s real, and I will know how to handle it. Talking out loud helps a lot. I found that whilst doing so, my worries didn’t seem so important any more. That’s all they were, worries. Not real problems, but just worries that my mind has been collecting over time. I felt really grounded and was able to push those horrible, heavy thoughts away. In fact, it took some time for me to remember what they were, they were so light, almost gone. Just like that, my negative feelings released. Just by taking that one little step and listening to what my soul was telling me to do.

My point is, sometimes, what you think you need might be the wrong thing. What you think will make you feel better, often doesn’t. What you think you should be doing, might actually make you feel worse. So, go with your feelings. Forget your logical mind. Forget what the world says that you should do when you feel down and unable to find a reason to be happy. Go with what your heart is telling you to do. No matter how crazy it is, find someone to do it with if you need to and GO FOR IT, because I believe that the feelings from your heart are really just translations of the words from your soul. Whatever you feel, you must trust. And what ever it tells you, you must listen. It will always be right in the moment. The moment is all that matters. Surrender yourself to life, trust it and know that timing is everything. It is okay to do nothing, sometimes the most important thing that you have yet to learn happens through stillness. Quiet your mind and take a step back.

I know things are tough, really tough, but I swear there will ALWAYS be something that comes into your life that will brighten your day, that will make you smile when you’re in the worst mood. There will always be that little bit of love that the universe will send you, just to keep you going, just to show you it’s all worth it, to give your life a little purpose for the moment. What you do with that and how you interpret it, is completely down to you. But look out for those little things.

I hope it get better for all of you, I am sure it will. For those of you who are already experiencing better, I am happy for you and only hope that you appreciate all that you have x

Love your past 

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You never really know how much your past has affected you or even if it has affected you at all. But it does and it has, it is the way you talk, your mindset, the change in you, your actions, your goals. Your past shapes your entire present life, both positively and negatively. I suppose you would only truly understand just how much, if you are going through some kind of self growth and awareness. The ego will always ignore its past.

I used to have this one person in my life who wasn’t interested in hearing anything I had to say about my past. He told me that the past was over, that it was irrelevant and pointless to talk about. Well, that is not true. Firstly the past is very important, it’s healthy to talk about it and reflect on it every now and then. At the end of the day, it is what has made you into the person you are today, so in order for someone to really love and understand you, they also need to love and understand your past. If you ever come across those people who do tell you to forget the past and completely avoid talking about it, it is only because they are trying to avoid their own past. They are either too hurt or too ashamed of it.

I kept a diary from 2006 to 2014. I loved writing in it, mostly because I could express my emotions freely. It was like my secret treasure, I valued it so much and was so pleased that I had something to look back on in the future. I looked back at it about a year ago and found myself crying. I cried because I couldn’t believe how naive and foolish I was. It was all so negative. I felt so ashamed of my past and the stupid situations I’d put myself in, which only led to emotional pain. I couldn’t believe that I was still putting myself in the same situations as I did when I was 13 years old. I was angry at myself for not learning, for allowing myself to be treated the same way for years and yeeeeears. For not loving myself and for not putting myself first. This was definitely a very important self realisation moment for me.

My friend came round just as I was about to shred my diary to pieces, I just didn’t want to be reminded of who I was and all the pain I put myself through. I say I put myself through it because I could have had the power to stop it all. I don’t blame those people who hurt me, although they were wrong, it was me who let them do what they had done. At the time, realising this absolutely broke me. But my friend stopped me from shredding it, she told me that it was proof of who I was and that it has made me who I am. She told me it was beautiful and to not be ashamed of it. She was absolutely right. I kept it. From that moment there was a shift of darkness inside me. I felt a huge change. I promised I would change and start being good to myself by only involving myself with people who were also good to me.

Now, my past is a reminder of how much I’ve changed for the better. Now, I look back and feel so proud that I kept my promise. Now, I am learning what it is like to truly love and respect myself.

No matter how hard something might be, DO IT. Do it for yourself. Do it because if you don’t, you will be stuck, you will never change and then 5 years from now, you will find that you are in the same situations, with the same old mindset.

There are things that have happened in my past that are still affecting me, those of which I really did have no control over. Things that my soul and time are trying its hardest to heal. Things that will take much longer than a moment of realisation for me to change, no matter how bad I want it to. But the most important part of it all is being aware. Only when you are aware of it can you try to overcome it. It is all part of our journey.

Use the past as a lesson, write your wrongs, forgive yourself and others. Look at it with love and give yourself some credit. Talk about it whenever you feel like it because the more you do, the more you start realising why things happened the way they did. If you can’t think of parts of your past without getting irritated or upset, or even feeling as if you hated who you were back then, use that as an indication that you need to heal that part of you. Not by putting the blame on others, or yourself, God or the world, but by understanding it and then accepting it. Truly accepting it. Your past is a part of you, you are stuck with it forever, it will never change, it will never leave you, so learn to live with it. Learn to acknowledge and accept it. Find peace in your past. Be so accepting of it that when you think back, you don’t feel sadness or anger, just strength and wisdom. Look back and smile because it has made you who you are in this exact moment. Know that one day this moment will also be your past, so make these moments last, be aware of how you treat yourself and others, live your life so that you don’t look back and regret anything. Take risks and be the best person you can be.

xxx