Tag: Intuition

Releasing your emotions is so important!

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Never apologise for expressing yourself.

Never apologise for telling people how you feel.

Never allow them to make you feel wrong for doing so.

 

You may have been that person who always opened up but had it thrown in your face afterwards, which has now made you quite reserved.

 

You may have never had anyone who’d listen to you and attempt to understand you, so you’ve naturally become used to repressing your thoughts and feelings.

 

Either way, know that, feelings should be respected and honoured. All the damn time!

 

I was so used to opening up to people I really cared about, only to have them tell me things like, “you’re too nice” or “you’re draining my energy” or “no, you’re wrong, it’s not true” or, even worse… they became so distant with me afterwards, as if I’ve scared them away. Expressing myself, talking about my true feelings, basically always got thrown back into my face. So I stopped, for ages. I always thought that if I told someone how I felt, they wouldn’t understand, so it was easier to go through it alone. Until I realised, that it’s not actually wrong to tell people how you feel, that you will only scare away the ones who aren’t supposed to be in your life.

 

I still, to this day, find it challenging to talk about my feelings, because I fear being misunderstood, I fear not actually being listened to. The thought of explaining something to someone and being scared of the way they will react puts me off, as it mostly always ends up with them getting defensive and bringing up a load of random shit that had nothing to do with what I was saying in the first place. The thought of opening up makes me vulnerable but I always try to do it. I do it because I love to see the outcome, it allows me to see someones true colours, how they truly feel about me, and how much they value our friendship/relationship. I also open up through my writing, like right now, because it is a way for me to release the past, or present emotions, without me having to directly rely on anyone to help.

 

I went through a whole year where I was repressing everything that I felt. It was my hardest year yet. I held it all in, I never opened up to anyone, yet it was the one time when I should have. But I kept it all to myself. Slowly, my immune system became so low from all of the negativity that I was keeping locked inside of me. My skin became a way for all of those TOXIC thoughts and feelings to release themselves. I ended up getting this horrible skin disorder that left scars all over my body. I struggled so much with it. I had no idea why I was getting it or what it was, and was in and out of my GP and hospitals for 6 months straight, because the doctors also had no idea what it was. The only advice I received was, “you’re stressed” and “you need the sun.” Believe it or not, they were absolutely right. There was no physical or medical cure for my skin problem.

 

I began to learn that my feelings of being trapped and not having anyone to talk to anything about, feeling as though no one understood me, putting myself in situations that I couldn’t handle and having people in my life who were no good for me, all added up. I weren’t saying or doing ANYTHING about it. I started to resent people around me, mostly family and friends, for not being there, and became so angry to the point where I couldn’t look after myself. I was at such a low point that I didn’t even want to. I wasn’t listening to my body and what it was telling me, so it had to free itself somehow. It definitely showed me though.

 

The moment I began to change things around, removing those toxic people from my life, leaving my part-time job, not allowing my parents divorce to bother me as much, my skin improved. So, that was my cure all along. A positive mindset, self-love and change, good change! That was the start of my self-care journey. That was the moment when I decided to pull myself up and never go back down again. I promised myself that no matter how low I do go in the future, I will NEVER stop focusing on my health and myself. I turned to spirituality to help with that, which introduced me to yoga, having healthy mind, body and soul, and loads of amazing spiritual and self-improvement books.

 

So, basically, the moral of my story is, never hold in your emotions and don’t quiet your voice for anyone! Because when you do this, you are really just locking the hurt, the anger and the pain inside your body with no way for it to escape, other than through your body. You’ll notice that when people are stressed, they start loosing hair, they become ill all the time (low immune system), they develop skin disorders and other harmful, life threatening problems… Why? Because of all the harmful feelings and emotions that are eating away at their insides, at their hearts. They are trying to solider through the pain without seeking help, without being heard. Even thinking that they can and should deal with it themselves, without realising that the pressure they are putting on themselves is just as harmful.

 

You don’t have to be alone in these situations. You don’t have to hide. Let it all out. Talk to your friends; find a way to release the pain, preferably through self-care and healthy hobbies, such as the gym, yoga, healthy eating, writing, meditating, reading, singing etc. It is so hard to loose yourself in these moments, it’s so hard to stop yourself from being happy but with enough self worth, you will be fine. Remind yourself daily that you are worth it! You are strong, beautiful and worthy of being heard. You are worthy of living a good life and you sure as hell deserve to do so! We all do.

 

There is so much light in the dark, you just have to look for it.

 

X

Crystal power

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Yesterday, I randomly began reading a book (that my lovely cousin gave me as a birthday present) about how to use crystals. It was random because I was in the middle of cleaning my room, it was a bloody mess, I was so hot and so focused on cleaning, yet I somehow found the urge to stop right in the middle of what I was cleaning to pick out this book.

Any way, I found out that you could actually choose a crystal to help with dreaming. This was amazing news for me because I’m so fascinated with my dreams, they are so vivid and meaningful, and most of the time, I wake up feeling so disoriented because I feel like I really lived it. I also have a dream journal where I write down most of my dreams. I look back at it every now and then only to find out that some dreams were warnings, inner emotions that needed healing, past relatives visiting me, or visions of my future and past life. My dreams help me feel connected to everything, my soul, my subconscious, spirituality etc. It is a massive part of me. I’m not so good at reading the signs in my waking life, I mean, I can identify them, but I find it hard to act on them. I’m the type of person that has to SEE something in order to take action on it, because I always doubt my intuition. So, I guess that’s the reason why I rely so much on my dreams and what my subconscious has to tell me, because I can SEE it. It is real.

But recently I haven’t dreamt as much. It’s probably because I’ve been so busy and haven’t given myself or spirituality much thought. Actually, I haven’t focused on it for a few months now (defo not a good thing, I know). As weird as this might sound, I feel disconnected with my soul when I don’t dream.

That night, as I felt myself about to fall asleep, I remembered what I had read in that crystal book. So I looked at my amethyst which is always beside me when I sleep, and said in my head, “help me to dream tonight, show me my next step in life, let it be a sign of something I truly desire.”

Obviously, I had a dream that night…

I was in Cyprus, walking along the beach with my Nan…I said to her “I could live here, I could do it on my own and feel absolutely fine. I feel confident, I feel alive.” I remember thinking how much I missed the warmth, the sun, the sea and the relaxing atmosphere of somewhere that is not London. I felt so content. I felt happy. It was a realisation. 

It’s funny because I’ve been torn between two paths. One is to officially build my vegan dessert business up and dedicate all of my time to it. The other is to move abroad to work as a live in nanny, or in a primary school teaching English. My reason to go abroad is because, just like my dream, I really do miss the sun. I need to escape. I need to feel free again. I need to find myself again…and this might just be my calling to do so. But I stop myself from doing it ALL the time, because I don’t feel confident enough to get up and go for it, on my own.

The choice between the two is killing me. I can’t even imagine choosing, because I’m passionate about both. But, my dream revealed what my soul really wants. My soul spoke to me in my dream; it told me I could do it. It told me that I would be fine. I woke up that morning feeling so good, feeling a little more confident with the idea of moving abroad. I mean, It doesn’t help me make my decision, but I’m very much aware of it now. I trust that an opportunity will present itself when the time is right.

I completely forgot that I spoke to my crystal last night. I smiled as I remembered. I smiled because I’ve found the crystal that will enhance my dreams. Truthfully, I didn’t expect it to work. But it did, wohoo! This stuff works.

Keep an eye out for my next post! It’s a step to step on how to use your crystals.

x

6/1/2018

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Tonight, I came home from being out the entire day, went straight to my mum, and asked her, “why is it that I can be so close to doing something, I get so excited that I’m about to do it, but it never ends up happening?” I was so down. So disappointed with so many things at the time. So I went to my room, picked up a book and started reading, in hope that it would make me feel a little better.

10 minutes later, my mum rushed into my room, as if she had just remembered something and HAD to tell me before she forgot it, and said…”maybe it’s not happening just yet, and with the people who you want it to be happening with, because there is better waiting for you.”

We both looked at each other for a few seconds just smiling.

Maybe that’s true?

True or not, I needed that. My mums not one to give all that spiritual, out of the box advice, she’s normally a ‘get on with it and do what you gotta do’ kind of person, so this was quite powerful. Like a slap in the face, wake the flip up moment.

I have been wanting to do certain things for so long now, and have had multiple opportunities to do them, but something always gets in the way. Either my intuition tells me it’s not right, or someone let’s me down. But, like everyone in this world, my life lessons are always learnt through the most uncomfortable moments of my life. The moments when I am the most lost and confused.

The universe is forever teaching me patience and how to trust that when things are right for me, when the timing is also right, those things will become easier to reach. Easier to understand. Easier to accomplish. I lost sight of that. My mum, through those few words, opened my eyes again.

Things happen when they are supposed to happen. It might even take YEARS for what you want, to become available to you. Sometimes things might not happen the way that you thought it would, because you are supposed to be doing something other than what you expected. Sometimes you don’t end up being with the people you imagined, because you deserve better. Sometimes, you don’t get that job you wanted because, again, you deserve better. Whatever it is, what ever the obstacles are that may be blocking you from reaching your dreams and plans, let them be there. They are there for a purpose that you will only understand once they are no longer there.

It’s so important that we stay positive and never doubt ourselves in these moments of confusion. You can listen to all the advice that you are given, but only you, your higher self and your inner wisdom, knows the true answer. Even if the answer is simply, to wait.

Love only

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You may think you know what it is that you want in life. But when it’s all said and done and you’re about to take your last breath, the only thing that will truly matter is love. And always will be love ❤️

Yet ego and pride are here to try and test you, to try and break you from your connection to love. They somehow convince you that it’s not important, that cars, money, looks, everything else matters more. It doesn’t. Those things don’t stay with you when you leave this earth. But your soul will always remember love. The love that you gave and the love that you received.

Never give up on it. Fight for it. Find love in everything that you do, everyone that you meet and everywhere that you go. Find love by seeing that we are all one. By opening your heart.

It can be so tiring when you put love into the wrong things and try to find it with the wrong people, but keep going because there are lessons that need to be learnt. And when you do finally learn…love will find YOU! You won’t have to search anymore.

Goodnight everyone x

Moment of realisation

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I know it’s late but I feel like I have to give this to you tonight. I feel so open, I feel so emotional and honestly, I can’t control my tears. But they are not sad tears. They are tears coming from the realisation that everything is just the way it’s supposed to be. I feel pure happiness and love right this second. I know this feeling is super real because it always hits me after a long period of sadness and confusion. I feel content within myself. I feel content for all of you. I want to cry because I know we are all going to be alright. It’s probably the full moon, she’s shedding a little light, a little hope into most of our lives this evening. Even if it’s something as small as a thought.

I am so determined to write today, I haven’t been in ages because I’ve honestly felt so lost. I’ve felt as if I had no right to write something inspirational, full of self realisation and faith, when I’ve actually been feeling the complete opposite. I doubted myself. I read through my previous posts and thought ‘who am I to give this advice to people, when I cannot take it myself. Who am I to spread so much light and positivity, when I’m so consumed in my sadness.‘ So I stopped myself from writing so many times. Seriously, you should see how many drafts I have, unfinished, just words with no truth. I stopped trying to persuade myself that I’m okay and that we all have nothing to worry about, I kind of gave up.

I’ve been a wreck for almost the whole of november, up until a few hours ago. Everything felt so heavy on my mind, the negative thoughts, the anxiety I got from thinking that I may not be doing the right thing, that there is so much more to my life than this, how on earth am I able to move on from this feeling, what is my next step? All those thoughts were weighing me down, I struggled so much to release them. I forced myself to do yoga, but that did not help. In fact, I actually felt worse because I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t do any of my balances and even cried after the session because I felt so hopeless. I tried reading, which normally calms my mind, but that didn’t help either. I couldn’t even force myself to go to the gym, because my body was completely drained. I put on a film, but was too restless and tired that I turned it off half way through (SO unlike me). But it turns out that I done all of those things because I thought they were what I needed at the time, not because I really wanted to do them. I wasn’t listening to my body, to my soul. Looking back now, all they were telling me to do was… nothing. Do nothing, rest and be still. But no, I fought with them, for ages.

Today, early afternoon, I had this urge to go for a walk, somewhere surrounded by trees and grass, pure nature. I had the urge to breathe in the cold air and watch the birds fly. I get this feeling quite a lot, but often ignore it because, lets face it, it’s freezing cold and when the urge hits you at 11.30 in the evening, it’s a bit weird to go off on your own in the middle of a forest just for a walk. And also impossible to find someone who will do it with you. But I couldn’t ignore it today. I met up with my cousin, we took a walk, we stood at the highest point of a hill and started to exchange feelings. I remember saying that I surrender to the universe. I remember having this sudden thought that maybe, just maybe, I am going through all of this because it is preparing me for what I have asked for. Love. PURE love. That is what I want. Maybe, all of my struggles and pain, family situations, doubt, maybe all of it is happening so that when it comes down to it, I will know how to acknowledge love, I will know when it’s real, and I will know how to handle it. Talking out loud helps a lot. I found that whilst doing so, my worries didn’t seem so important any more. That’s all they were, worries. Not real problems, but just worries that my mind has been collecting over time. I felt really grounded and was able to push those horrible, heavy thoughts away. In fact, it took some time for me to remember what they were, they were so light, almost gone. Just like that, my negative feelings released. Just by taking that one little step and listening to what my soul was telling me to do.

My point is, sometimes, what you think you need might be the wrong thing. What you think will make you feel better, often doesn’t. What you think you should be doing, might actually make you feel worse. So, go with your feelings. Forget your logical mind. Forget what the world says that you should do when you feel down and unable to find a reason to be happy. Go with what your heart is telling you to do. No matter how crazy it is, find someone to do it with if you need to and GO FOR IT, because I believe that the feelings from your heart are really just translations of the words from your soul. Whatever you feel, you must trust. And what ever it tells you, you must listen. It will always be right in the moment. The moment is all that matters. Surrender yourself to life, trust it and know that timing is everything. It is okay to do nothing, sometimes the most important thing that you have yet to learn happens through stillness. Quiet your mind and take a step back.

I know things are tough, really tough, but I swear there will ALWAYS be something that comes into your life that will brighten your day, that will make you smile when you’re in the worst mood. There will always be that little bit of love that the universe will send you, just to keep you going, just to show you it’s all worth it, to give your life a little purpose for the moment. What you do with that and how you interpret it, is completely down to you. But look out for those little things.

I hope it get better for all of you, I am sure it will. For those of you who are already experiencing better, I am happy for you and only hope that you appreciate all that you have x

Is it over thinking OR is it your intuition?

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Do you know how many times I have had people mistake my gut feelings for negativity? TOO MANY TIMES, to the point where I actually begin to feel that I really am just being negative. I question where those stupid thoughts came from in the first place. Is it my past? Is it my fears? Am I just over-thinking? And yes. Some times it is just negativity. But this isn’t about those times. This is about the other times, the times where you are absolutely right to feel the way you do and to think the thoughts you try your hardest not to.

I have had people argue with me and question me for ‘expecting’ that they would do something wrong, because in that moment they had no idea they would do something like that. But they do end up doing it and then blame me for putting ‘negative energy’ out there… apparently I made that happen? Yh right. Don’t get me wrong I believe in energy and that sometimes thinking negatively can actually jeopardize a certain situation. However I also strongly believe that if something is supposed to happen, thinking negatively and letting out that dark energy would make no difference what so ever. Oh, and most importantly, having a negative outlook on a certain person will not MAKE them do something hurtful. They will do it because they have it in them to do it. That is not on you. If it is in your path, you will experience it. The same way that thinking positively about a situation doesn’t necessarily mean that it will happen. Our minds are strong but mother nature has her ways of working…there are parts of our lives that we have no control over.

This is the one thing I know nearly all of us have experienced, so I suppose you will connect with it and start to understand intuition even more…

Have you ever had a strong feeling that your partner was cheating on you? The sudden thought hits you so forcefully that you feel sick to your stomach, you can’t shake off the feeling. It feels so real! So you confront them and ask them if they have been. They then get so defensive and start making you feel stupid, blaming it on your trust issues and calling you insecure. Have you then felt bad for ‘assuming‘ that they could do such a thing and you tell yourself that they would never do that to you? The same feelings pop up a few months after, you go through the cycle again, but this time, you find that THEY HAVE BEEN!! the entire time. BUT YOU DID NOT LISTEN TO YOURSELF. You ignored yourself and you allowed yourself to be manipulated. You confused your intuition with your insecurities and fears. Most importantly, you allowed someone other than yourself to do that to you.

I say this to EVERYONE, including myself, that when you get a feeling that something is wrong, that someone is being unfaithful. They most probably are. You can tell your intuition apart from your fear by the way it feels, it will feel real. It will make you feel uneasy or the complete opposite – fill you with happiness. Just a few seconds pure happiness, or pure hurt and sadness. It will hit you suddenly, out of absolute nowhere. It is like knowledge that you’ve gained and can never forget no matter how hard you try to. It will linger with you for days, weeks, monthhsss…however long it takes until you acknowledge that it is the truth.

Apply this to EVERYTHING in life. To finding a job, to finding a holiday destination, to a decision that you need to make.

I test my intuition all the time when I am driving. I take two routes to go to work, most of the time I will take only one. So I ask myself, ‘Shall I take this route, or the other one? Will I find traffic this way?’ and I go with my initial thought. Sometimes I ignore my initial thought because at the time I think I am over thinking, only to find that I was right to want to originally take the first route, because I end up being stuck in bloody traffic… FOR AGES! Other times, taking an alternative route doesn’t even cross my mind, that is my confirmation that I am fine with the route I am on. It seems quite weird, but I’ve gotten to really understand how intuition works just a little more by doing this. Try it 🙂

If you have an immediate thought that something will not turn out as you expect it to, or you think you should or shouldn’t do something for whatever reason. Or you feel deep in your gut that someone is not who they portray they are. Or even if someone is worth it!! BELIEVE YOURSELF. You are not being negative, you are not over thinking. Don’t listen to the shit people tell you. It is your intuition, your higher self, your psychic self, that is giving you this information. NOT your fear and not your hopes. You have to learn the difference. Most of time, you will push your thoughts to the back of your mind because you want to give someone a chance, or because you think you are just reflecting your past hurt on your current situation, or you are just being fussy or hopeful, or scared that the time might not be right. Ignore all of it. Go with your initial thought and do not let anyone persuade you otherwise.

xxx