Crystal power

Yesterday, I randomly began reading a book (that my lovely cousin gave me as a birthday present) about how to use crystals. It was random because I was in the middle of cleaning my room, it was a bloody mess, I was so hot and so focused on cleaning, yet I somehow found the urge to stop right in the middle of what I was cleaning to pick out this book.

Any way, I found out that you could actually choose a crystal to help with dreaming. This was amazing news for me because I’m so fascinated with my dreams, they are so vivid and meaningful, and most of the time, I wake up feeling so disoriented because I feel like I really lived it. I also have a dream journal where I write down most of my dreams. I look back at it every now and then only to find out that some dreams were warnings, inner emotions that needed healing, past relatives visiting me, or visions of my future and past life. My dreams help me feel connected to everything, my soul, my subconscious, spirituality etc. It is a massive part of me. I’m not so good at reading the signs in my waking life, I mean, I can identify them, but I find it hard to act on them. I’m the type of person that has to SEE something in order to take action on it, because I always doubt my intuition. So, I guess that’s the reason why I rely so much on my dreams and what my subconscious has to tell me, because I can SEE it. It is real.

But recently I haven’t dreamt as much. It’s probably because I’ve been so busy and haven’t given myself or spirituality much thought. Actually, I haven’t focused on it for a few months now (defo not a good thing, I know). As weird as this might sound, I feel disconnected with my soul when I don’t dream.

That night, as I felt myself about to fall asleep, I remembered what I had read in that crystal book. So I looked at my amethyst which is always beside me when I sleep, and said in my head, “help me to dream tonight, show me my next step in life, let it be a sign of something I truly desire.”

Obviously, I had a dream that night…

I was in Cyprus, walking along the beach with my Nan…I said to her “I could live here, I could do it on my own and feel absolutely fine. I feel confident, I feel alive.” I remember thinking how much I missed the warmth, the sun, the sea and the relaxing atmosphere of somewhere that is not London. I felt so content. I felt happy. It was a realisation. 

It’s funny because I’ve been torn between two paths. One is to officially build my vegan dessert business up and dedicate all of my time to it. The other is to move abroad to work as a live in nanny, or in a primary school teaching English. My reason to go abroad is because, just like my dream, I really do miss the sun. I need to escape. I need to feel free again. I need to find myself again…and this might just be my calling to do so. But I stop myself from doing it ALL the time, because I don’t feel confident enough to get up and go for it, on my own.

The choice between the two is killing me. I can’t even imagine choosing, because I’m passionate about both. But, my dream revealed what my soul really wants. My soul spoke to me in my dream; it told me I could do it. It told me that I would be fine. I woke up that morning feeling so good, feeling a little more confident with the idea of moving abroad. I mean, It doesn’t help me make my decision, but I’m very much aware of it now. I trust that an opportunity will present itself when the time is right.

I completely forgot that I spoke to my crystal last night. I smiled as I remembered. I smiled because I’ve found the crystal that will enhance my dreams. Truthfully, I didn’t expect it to work. But it did, wohoo! This stuff works.

Keep an eye out for my next post! It’s a step to step on how to use your crystals.

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Keep your light shining

Your light is what makes you, YOU. Whether it’s your laugh, your kindness, YOUR WEAKNESS (emphasis on weakness because your weakness is beautiful and only people who love you for you, will never use it against you), your spontaneity, your passion, your drive, and your presence as a whole. Don’t be ashamed of it. Does it get you into dumb situations? Yep, probably. Do you wish that you had said no? Hell yeah. Do you regret some things or would you do them differently, even though it would go against who you are as a person? No, you shouldn’t, ever. My kindness and my impulsiveness especially, got me into many stupid, sticky situations.

I am such an impulsive person, not like drinking and smoking and stuff. It’s more of a ‘don’t really think about what you do no matter how much shit it can get you in, live in the moment’ type of impulsiveness. It’s fun (and dangerous, sometimes). I admire it whenever I see someone with the same trait. BUT, this trait honestly did get me into so many stupid situations that often messed me up emotionally afterwards, as I never took the time to consider my feelings and my saftey. I hated it for a while, I blamed myself for being this way because of how much I put MYSELF through. So in a way, I tortured myself, by not acting on ANY decision impulisvely, even if it would do me good. I completely shut that side off and went for ‘safer’ version of myself, which funnily enough, blocked my creativity and completely clouded my vision of how I saw the world, my world, my dreams and my goals. In the end, I found the balance. I realised I actually liked that part of me.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that there might be parts of you that you aren’t 100% sure about. You might think back and realise how bad they were, or how they caused you and others around you so much pain. You might not want anything to do with that side of you. You might hate how kind you are, how giving you are, because you’ve always had it thrown in your face by the ones who you loved most. You might love doing something, singing, drawing, dancing etc but always had someone put you down to the point where you genuinely don’t want to do it anymore. But, my advice is, find the balance. That thing you don’t like about yourself anymore, well, it’s a part of you and always will be no matter how much you think otherwise, so accept it.

Also, NEVER stop yourself from doing what your heart tells you to do, especially if you want to do it.

When you stop your soul from doing something that it wants to do, you are ignoring it. When you ignore it over and over again, it becomes quiet. When it becomes quiet, you may not hear it anymore. When you cannot hear the voice within you, you begin to lose yourself. Your light dims because you’ve put it out so many times by telling it it’s not worthy enough to be listened to.

Look at it like this…

Imagine constantly telling a child to stop doing something that they love, or to stop acting a certain way. Eventually, they won’t want to do it anymore because they’ve been taught not to. They’ve been taught that’s it’s wrong, that it’s annoying, or that no one likes it. They might even grow up feeling lost and not knowing what they want to do because no one ever acknowledged their true interest and passion from the start, which they end up forgetting about and may never remember again. When you tell a child to stop crying, crying is for babies, strong children don’t cry. That child will grow up thinking that crying is wrong. It will shut off its caring and emotional side (that was beautiful to begin with), it becomes this heartless, egotistic person that will look down on any real emotion because, to them, it is seen as weak.

Imagine yourself as a child; let yourself do anything it wants to do. Don’t let that child be you. Don’t tell yourself it’s wrong to act a certain way; don’t tell yourself it’s wrong for being who you are! Look back on a time where you were your happiest, and discover why. Become that happy person again, who never used to care about anything as much. Ask people around you what they love about you and what they see when they look at you. Whatever that is, that is your light. That is your vibe. BE THAT PERSON. Honor that person. Love the child within you.

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A little time…

I know I haven’t been posting a lot recently, I want to, but as bad as this might sound, I have not had the slightest bit of energy to do so. Everyday life is draining me to the max and I’m trying to deal with it in the best way I can. Not sure if I’m doing a good job but hey, at least I’m trying right?

You know those pressures you feel when you start something new, a hobby, blogging, poetry, workouts etc, but you also know you aren’t doing it as much as you should be. It pisses you off even more knowing that you want to, but can’t mentally do it. Or you can do it, but know you wont be giving it your all. That is me right now.

My minds been a blur, there’s so many things I’d like to write about, but it’s a mess up there. It’s all jumbled and I can’t seem to find the right way of writing things. I can’t express my words the way that I expect to when I begin writing. Is that normal? I don’t know. But its winding me up. It’s most probably the over thinking that builds this block in my mind, in my writing, so I suppose once I stop thinking about it, it will come naturally. That’s just the way this works though isn’t it? It’s the way the universe has always worked.

Once you put so much thought into something, it’s as if the thought no longer exists and it becomes nothing. You lose sight of the bigger picture, you lose sight of what you wanted in the first place. That pure original thought ends up being replaced with worry, doubt and ego.

So long story short. I’m working on it.

We all gotta work on what ever is dragging us down emotionally, spiritually and mentally. But at the same time, making sure to remember that it is okay to take a little break from things. No matter how much you love doing them. No matter how much you know you want to do them things. It may be, that all we need, is a little time to rediscover our pure intentions again.

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