Okay maybe hate is a really strong word but when it comes down to how badly you’ve been treated then I suppose hating it is understandably normal.
Doesn’t it stress you out when you’re in bed, awake, WIDE awake late at night, thinking about all of the things that you’ve been through, and all of the people who have wronged you! You over think it. You start hating what they done to you more than when they actually done it, because it hits you, that they never actually realised how much it affected you? Don’t you hate knowing that no matter how much you think about it, it will not change anything?
I was actually the worst person when it came to this way of thinking. I would wind myself up so much. The main thing that got to me, was knowing that I hadn’t received an apology from those people who hurt me. It would have meant so much to me, they could have given me a decent reason for doing for they had done and a genuine apology for it. But nope. It angered me even more knowing that would NEVER happen. So I was always in battle with my thoughts. I would feel so drained and tense after thinking about it. I could literally feel what it was doing to my inner peace, my body…my heart!
I came to the conclusion that it doesn’t actually matter, none of it matters anymore. I began to understand that I don’t need an apology for any of it because it will not change what had happened. I realised that what I truly needed was to move on from it, and the only way to move on was to forgive! Forgive them. Forgive myself. So I slowly, and I mean slooooowly, attempted to start forgiving. I told the universe I was ready to move on from everything so that it could never bother me again, and that I would accept anything it put in my life that would help me on my journey of letting go. Funnily enough, these people actually came back into my life afterwards, by a text message and a few encounters. I knew it was time for forgiveness to happen so I went a long with it. The universe heard me.
It was tough, because those people brought back hurtful memories. It was even harder seeing that they still weren’t guilty or sorry AT ALL. In the end (a long time after) I chose to accept all of it. I’ve probably mentioned this in my other posts, but when there is acceptance, there is change. Good change. I trained myself to let go of the hate. I’d lay awake at night to find myself thinking about it, but instead of giving those thoughts power, which meant I would stay awake for hours still thinking about it, I decided to push them away. Literally. I visualised myself grabbing my thoughts and throwing them away. I FORCED myself to stop thinking about it. It was really hard. I felt like I was fighting with two different sides of me. Sounds really weird, but after weeks of doing this, my mind slowly got used to not thinking about it. Every now and again, I lay awake and think about how happy I am with myself for doing that. For actually sticking to my word and not giving in to my negative and hateful thoughts towards my past. There’s always something (loads of things actually) that keep me up. But I’m proud to say it’s not the past!
Even something as small as your regrets, decisions and actions you’ve made, or the arguments with family and friends, or those sly comments from the people you work with. Or even work itself. Just let it all go. What is the point of letting these things wind you up? There are things we have no control over. The only thing we can control, is our reaction to them and how much power we really give them.
So, aim to be so full of love and light that there is no room for hate and darkness. Let the love within you be so strong that it overrides any kind of tension you feel in your heart and mind.
Remember, none of it matters anymore.