Love only

You may think you know what it is that you want in life. But when it’s all said and done and you’re about to take your last breath, the only thing that will truly matter is love. And always will be love ❤️

Yet ego and pride are here to try and test you, to try and break you from your connection to love. They somehow convince you that it’s not important, that cars, money, looks, everything else matters more. It doesn’t. Those things don’t stay with you when you leave this earth. But your soul will always remember love. The love that you gave and the love that you received.

Never give up on it. Fight for it. Find love in everything that you do, everyone that you meet and everywhere that you go. Find love by seeing that we are all one. By opening your heart.

It can be so tiring when you put love into the wrong things and try to find it with the wrong people, but keep going because there are lessons that need to be learnt. And when you do finally learn…love will find YOU! You won’t have to search anymore.

Goodnight everyone x

Moment of realisation

I know it’s late but I feel like I have to give this to you tonight. I feel so open, I feel so emotional and honestly, I can’t control my tears. But they are not sad tears. They are tears coming from the realisation that everything is just the way it’s supposed to be. I feel pure happiness and love right this second. I know this feeling is super real because it always hits me after a long period of sadness and confusion. I feel content within myself. I feel content for all of you. I want to cry because I know we are all going to be alright. It’s probably the full moon, she’s shedding a little light, a little hope into most of our lives this evening. Even if it’s something as small as a thought.

I am so determined to write today, I haven’t been in ages because I’ve honestly felt so lost. I’ve felt as if I had no right to write something inspirational, full of self realisation and faith, when I’ve actually been feeling the complete opposite. I doubted myself. I read through my previous posts and thought ‘who am I to give this advice to people, when I cannot take it myself. Who am I to spread so much light and positivity, when I’m so consumed in my sadness.‘ So I stopped myself from writing so many times. Seriously, you should see how many drafts I have, unfinished, just words with no truth. I stopped trying to persuade myself that I’m okay and that we all have nothing to worry about, I kind of gave up.

I’ve been a wreck for almost the whole of november, up until a few hours ago. Everything felt so heavy on my mind, the negative thoughts, the anxiety I got from thinking that I may not be doing the right thing, that there is so much more to my life than this, how on earth am I able to move on from this feeling, what is my next step? All those thoughts were weighing me down, I struggled so much to release them. I forced myself to do yoga, but that did not help. In fact, I actually felt worse because I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t do any of my balances and even cried after the session because I felt so hopeless. I tried reading, which normally calms my mind, but that didn’t help either. I couldn’t even force myself to go to the gym, because my body was completely drained. I put on a film, but was too restless and tired that I turned it off half way through (SO unlike me). But it turns out that I done all of those things because I thought they were what I needed at the time, not because I really wanted to do them. I wasn’t listening to my body, to my soul. Looking back now, all they were telling me to do was… nothing. Do nothing, rest and be still. But no, I fought with them, for ages.

Today, early afternoon, I had this urge to go for a walk, somewhere surrounded by trees and grass, pure nature. I had the urge to breathe in the cold air and watch the birds fly. I get this feeling quite a lot, but often ignore it because, lets face it, it’s freezing cold and when the urge hits you at 11.30 in the evening, it’s a bit weird to go off on your own in the middle of a forest just for a walk. And also impossible to find someone who will do it with you. But I couldn’t ignore it today. I met up with my cousin, we took a walk, we stood at the highest point of a hill and started to exchange feelings. I remember saying that I surrender to the universe. I remember having this sudden thought that maybe, just maybe, I am going through all of this because it is preparing me for what I have asked for. Love. PURE love. That is what I want. Maybe, all of my struggles and pain, family situations, doubt, maybe all of it is happening so that when it comes down to it, I will know how to acknowledge love, I will know when it’s real, and I will know how to handle it. Talking out loud helps a lot. I found that whilst doing so, my worries didn’t seem so important any more. That’s all they were, worries. Not real problems, but just worries that my mind has been collecting over time. I felt really grounded and was able to push those horrible, heavy thoughts away. In fact, it took some time for me to remember what they were, they were so light, almost gone. Just like that, my negative feelings released. Just by taking that one little step and listening to what my soul was telling me to do.

My point is, sometimes, what you think you need might be the wrong thing. What you think will make you feel better, often doesn’t. What you think you should be doing, might actually make you feel worse. So, go with your feelings. Forget your logical mind. Forget what the world says that you should do when you feel down and unable to find a reason to be happy. Go with what your heart is telling you to do. No matter how crazy it is, find someone to do it with if you need to and GO FOR IT, because I believe that the feelings from your heart are really just translations of the words from your soul. Whatever you feel, you must trust. And what ever it tells you, you must listen. It will always be right in the moment. The moment is all that matters. Surrender yourself to life, trust it and know that timing is everything. It is okay to do nothing, sometimes the most important thing that you have yet to learn happens through stillness. Quiet your mind and take a step back.

I know things are tough, really tough, but I swear there will ALWAYS be something that comes into your life that will brighten your day, that will make you smile when you’re in the worst mood. There will always be that little bit of love that the universe will send you, just to keep you going, just to show you it’s all worth it, to give your life a little purpose for the moment. What you do with that and how you interpret it, is completely down to you. But look out for those little things.

I hope it get better for all of you, I am sure it will. For those of you who are already experiencing better, I am happy for you and only hope that you appreciate all that you have x

Love your past 

You never really know how much your past has affected you or even if it has affected you at all. But it does and it has, it is the way you talk, your mindset, the change in you, your actions, your goals. Your past shapes your entire present life, both positively and negatively. I suppose you would only truly understand just how much, if you are going through some kind of self growth and awareness. The ego will always ignore its past.

I used to have this one person in my life who wasn’t interested in hearing anything I had to say about my past. He told me that the past was over, that it was irrelevant and pointless to talk about. Well, that is not true. Firstly the past is very important, it’s healthy to talk about it and reflect on it every now and then. At the end of the day, it is what has made you into the person you are today, so in order for someone to really love and understand you, they also need to love and understand your past. If you ever come across those people who do tell you to forget the past and completely avoid talking about it, it is only because they are trying to avoid their own past. They are either too hurt or too ashamed of it.

I kept a diary from 2006 to 2014. I loved writing in it, mostly because I could express my emotions freely. It was like my secret treasure, I valued it so much and was so pleased that I had something to look back on in the future. I looked back at it about a year ago and found myself crying. I cried because I couldn’t believe how naive and foolish I was. It was all so negative. I felt so ashamed of my past and the stupid situations I’d put myself in, which only led to emotional pain. I couldn’t believe that I was still putting myself in the same situations as I did when I was 13 years old. I was angry at myself for not learning, for allowing myself to be treated the same way for years and yeeeeears. For not loving myself and for not putting myself first. This was definitely a very important self realisation moment for me.

My friend came round just as I was about to shred my diary to pieces, I just didn’t want to be reminded of who I was and all the pain I put myself through. I say I put myself through it because I could have had the power to stop it all. I don’t blame those people who hurt me, although they were wrong, it was me who let them do what they had done. At the time, realising this absolutely broke me. But my friend stopped me from shredding it, she told me that it was proof of who I was and that it has made me who I am. She told me it was beautiful and to not be ashamed of it. She was absolutely right. I kept it. From that moment there was a shift of darkness inside me. I felt a huge change. I promised I would change and start being good to myself by only involving myself with people who were also good to me.

Now, my past is a reminder of how much I’ve changed for the better. Now, I look back and feel so proud that I kept my promise. Now, I am learning what it is like to truly love and respect myself.

No matter how hard something might be, DO IT. Do it for yourself. Do it because if you don’t, you will be stuck, you will never change and then 5 years from now, you will find that you are in the same situations, with the same old mindset.

There are things that have happened in my past that are still affecting me, those of which I really did have no control over. Things that my soul and time are trying its hardest to heal. Things that will take much longer than a moment of realisation for me to change, no matter how bad I want it to. But the most important part of it all is being aware. Only when you are aware of it can you try to overcome it. It is all part of our journey.

Use the past as a lesson, write your wrongs, forgive yourself and others. Look at it with love and give yourself some credit. Talk about it whenever you feel like it because the more you do, the more you start realising why things happened the way they did. If you can’t think of parts of your past without getting irritated or upset, or even feeling as if you hated who you were back then, use that as an indication that you need to heal that part of you. Not by putting the blame on others, or yourself, God or the world, but by understanding it and then accepting it. Truly accepting it. Your past is a part of you, you are stuck with it forever, it will never change, it will never leave you, so learn to live with it. Learn to acknowledge and accept it. Find peace in your past. Be so accepting of it that when you think back, you don’t feel sadness or anger, just strength and wisdom. Look back and smile because it has made you who you are in this exact moment. Know that one day this moment will also be your past, so make these moments last, be aware of how you treat yourself and others, live your life so that you don’t look back and regret anything. Take risks and be the best person you can be.

xxx

Beautiful message

I’m flying out to morocco on monday and I am so excited. I find everything about this country absolutely stunning, the colours, patterns, architecture, the culture itself! But any way, I’ve had this Marrakech travel guide sitting in my room for about a week, it was given to me by my mum who was given it by one of her gym friends. Last night, whilst tryyyying to pack (I couldn’t do it, it was too overwhelming to pick out outfits and shoes just for a few days) I opened it up and found this message on the first page…

Life is just a momentum

But love makes it infinite!

Life is just a journey 

But love makes it meaningful!

Life is an adventure 

But to share it makes it happy!

How cuteeeeeeee. My heart really understood this. I also really needed something like that to read at the time. Apparently the guy that gave my mum the travel guide has a girlfriend and they are completely in love, as you can tell ↑. She write this to him before going to marrakech together. Random but just thought i’d share this message 🙂

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Have a beautiful day everyone.

xx

The cycle of real change…

I just want to begin by saying THANK GOD this month is nearly over! September woke up a side of myself that I thought was long gone. It woke the darkness up, I had no idea it was still there because I tried to hard to ignore it…

I focused so much on the good for a very long time, which obviously, you are supposed to do, but I forgot the bad existed. I shut the darkness out. So when it forced its way back into my life this month, it surprised me. I questioned it and tried my hardest to fight it. But the truth is, no matter how hard I fight, it doesn’t change the fact that it HAS to happen. It doesn’t change the fact that it is there…

Continue reading “The cycle of real change…”

Patience

Do you ever get those days where you feel like you cannot get anything done? Things are moving so fast and you can’t keep up? You set unrealistic goals for yourself, then stress trying to make them happen. I am in this position right now, have been for ages. This year has honestly been on the go, nonstop, which is very unusual for me because I do everything in my power to make sure my life is calm and sloooow. Only because I’m the type of person that gets really overwhelmed when I don’t have enough down time, time to myself. And by time, I don’t just mean one or two days…I’m talking at least 2 weeks every now and then, to recharge my batteries and focus on me. I seriously have found myself saying “I just want to be alone” way too many times recently. But no, this year, especially the past month, has been very challenging. I’m trying to fit so much into my days and my head is literally going to explode.

Anyone else feeling like this? Because I’m feeling like most of us are going through this exact same thing.

This year is a year where we are focusing on ourselves, much more than we expected. We have visions and goals that we are trying to pursue. Last year we were quite stuck and unsure of what it was that we really wanted in life…we always knew deep down but it’s all coming out now. It’s happening. It’s a year of self growth, love and awareness and I see us really connecting with our own souls as well as understanding others.

But (and I’m saying this to myself too) we need to relaaaaxxxxx!! Yes we know what we want, yes we are trying to make it happen, yes we probably know that it will happen but only when the time is right! Things will happen when they are supposed to and only the universe knows when that is. We just have to remain PATIENT and trust that although it may seem that our efforts and hard work are being ignored, they are not. They are being heard, appreciated and slowly becoming real.

Sometimes the best thing to do when your mind is busy and all you’ve been doing is rushing around trying to keep to your ‘plan’, is to stop. It is more than okay to push your dreams to the side for a few days, weeks, even months! Don’t feel bad, don’t feel that because you haven’t been giving it your all, that you do not deserve it. Don’t feel that if you stop pursuing for a while, that it will all end. It won’t, if anything you will start again and you will be better, more confident and knowledgable than what you were before. I find myself saying things like “Why am I not doing this? I should be doing this” truth is I shouldn’t be. What I should be doing is listening to my intuition and doing what feels natural. So don’t force yourself to do something because you feel you have to, that’s how passion dies. Rest your mind and take a moment to tell yourself that not everything has to happen when you want it to. Life (unfortunately) does not work that way. Remember that good things are worth waiting for. But as long as you give it those positive, nurturing thoughts, believe, it will happen.

My patience is being tested this year I tell you that.

X

Read more…

 

I want to relate this to people… Friends, relationships, family because after all it is the people in this world that make it harder to live in peace, they are the ones making it harder to love. But they are also the ones that keep us going, show us what love is, inspire us and care for us ♥

I watched Girls Trip last night and this really got me. AMAZING movie btw! Really empowering. This quote reminded me of this movie and inspired me to want to write…

To you beautiful men and women who have been in relationships and have had nothing but bad experiences, being lied to, disloyalty, being made to feel so small and not important enough, abuse etc. You may feel like there is no hope in finding love again, in finding someone who you originally wish you would find before you had your heart torn apart and your identity shattered, only because you allowed yourself to give everything to this person, your love, your trust, your time and energy. You keep hearing friends, colleagues, family members, even strangers who want to express themselves and end up telling you their entire story, also going through it and you think ‘Wow there really isn’t any hope’ ‘I am never going to open up to someone the way I did with him/her’ or ‘They are all the same.’ I definitely thought that. I suppose it is normal?

Any way, yes you experienced something so shit. Yes it might happen again. But it might not? I want to remind everyone that just because those people hurt you it does not mean they will all do the same. It does not mean they are all the same. What it means is that you have to become the BEST version of yourself, be confident, know what you are looking for and do not settle for less. It means that once you do this, you are not able to lose yourself in your next relationship because you will know and love who you are without one! You will not be with someone who will let you lose yourself because you have chosen to be with someone who loves you for you. Not your looks, not your lifestyle, not your body, not for the media but YOU and your silliness, your flaws, your mind, your dreams, your passion, your faith! You might not have ever met someone like this but you can do. If you want it enough you will. Believe that there is good in the world because there is. Have faith.

BECOME THE GOOD IN THIS WORLD SO THAT YOU CAN FIND THE GOOD IN THE WORLD. 

 

xxxx